Two years to the day her husband was taken, a brave wife speaks about her struggle.
It’s been five Eids, two wedding anniversaries, and four birthdays since Shahbaz has been gone. Friends have gotten married, children have been born, and world-changing events have taken place all around us. And yet if you were to ask me what my overwhelming sense of the time that has passed has been I would say it has been one of stillness. It is as if nothing has moved at all. He walked out of that door that day, two years ago, and I am sitting where he left me, waiting for that door to open again.
You hold on. You hope. You pray. You survive. You wish the best for him yet you know that there is suffering. You can abide your own pain, but what do I do about the pain that he might be going through and that I know nothing about?
I am told that all suffering has a purpose. Such pain can either break you or make you. I am told that I have become stronger, and knowing how Shahbaz is, I know this is true for him too. Wherever Shahbaz is being kept, I know he is worried for us. Those who know him have no doubt that this trial will make him braver, wiser, and stronger. And that perhaps will give some meaning to his senseless and violent abduction. I would like to think that my love for him and his commitment to me are helping him through this immense trial.
People ask me often how it feels, how I handle the pain. There is no frame of reference for this kind of a situation. How does one cope with something like a kidnapping? It is easier to explain away other, more familiar traumas to attain some sense of comfort and even closure. A kidnapping is rarer, harder to examine and more difficult to process. It helps to speak with those who have gone through similar trials, forced to brave the taking away of those dearest to them without reason and without there being any surety of what the outcome will be. This is what makes the experience—a cycle of hope and despair—so much more difficult.
I have been fortunate in many ways. I have family and friends to turn to. I have a job which keeps me occupied, more so as I deal with people whose pain and suffering I can ease as their psychological counselor. Yet when the day is over, the overwhelming feeling is of being very alone and isolated. This is a loneliness that nobody can really relate to. People can comfort you, but it is difficult to fathom what it really means to just wait and wait and wait. How do you explain what it means to be without your best friend, your soul mate, for reasons that have nothing to do with either him or you? Such pain changes you. Such loneliness could leave one embittered, if you did not have faith and hope, and a deep conviction that your love, loyalty, and commitment will triumph in the end. There is a future that you must constantly keep before you, if the present is to be survived.
The unexplained absence of a loved one changes you forever. I know our lives will never be the same again.
But in all this, there are also these great positives that keep coming through. Kind words are a powerful thing. I have received thousands of messages of support and prayers for Shahbaz, from people of all ages and from all corners of the world. A 16-year-old Sikh has taken an oath at the Golden Temple to cut his hair the day Shahbaz returns home. An 18-year-old sends me a message every single day to stay strong. Thousands of prayers have been said at Mecca for his safe journey home. People who go there and to Sufi shrines in Pakistan and India tell us they have prayed for him. It is these heart-healing prayers that keep us hopeful, that help me push back the darkness, that strengthen my resolve.
My husband is a brave man. That was obvious in the way he handled his father’s assassination. The character he has shown in this period of time speaks of a great future awaiting him. With courage to fight, power to survive, and the ability to inspire, I know that Shahbaz will be an icon for his generation.
There is much that lies beyond one’s control. Every day brings a new rumor, a new speculation, a new fear. Truth is trumped by sensationalism by an irresponsible and insatiable media that has no visible regard for those it may be hurting. Media organizations do not seem to care about the pain they cause from their wrong reporting and they certainly don’t think twice about jeopardizing the safety of those at risk, like Shahbaz. Social media only magnifies and makes inescapable such reports. What is the protocol for handling all this when shutting out the world is not an option? What does one do when hope is constantly challenged by “breaking news”?
Here in Lahore, the mind is never far from the lawless federally-administered tribal areas, where most kidnapping victims are whisked off to. Now more than before, one thinks about the families there ravaged by violence, one thinks about the byzantine politics which surround that part of the country, one thinks about the rituals of routine violence there. One also thinks about the mundane: the weather there, the food, health care. And then there are drone strikes and the actual and collateral damage they bring. When those who have abducted your husband are being targeted from the skies, drones are not just an abstract concept but a living reality, a pressing and deeply personal concern. I am sure Shahbaz lives under this fear. I know I do.
I often think whether this experience would have changed Shahbaz. It is not easy living in isolation and captivity but a deep-rooted conviction tells me that these cruel circumstances would not have broken him. He will come back to me the same humorous, warm-hearted, caring person that he was when he left. He would have changed, yes, but only to have become more empathetic, more sensitive, and much more fearless than before. What would be left to fear once you have gone through something like this? These last two years have taught me a lot. The unexplained absence of a loved one changes you forever. I know our lives will never be the same again. They will be better informed by a visceral appreciation of choosing to journey together in a world of great uncertainty come what may, powered by a conviction to make every day count not only for each other but for others around us.
The traumas that Pakistanis go through can be soothed by those who have struggled with similar suffering. Support groups that make these experiences and shared wisdom available are so important and vital for the survival of others who feel alone and despondent. There have to be ways to help make things better for those who suffer, to have their voices heard, to make sure that our streets are safe. It is our collective duty to think about and care for families coping with unnatural traumas. I think of all that we can do once Shahbaz is home. Assisting such families will be a small but meaningful service to all those praying for Shahbaz’s safe return.
The author is a psychologist who married Shahbaz Taseer, the son of Punjab’s assassinated governor Salmaan Taseer, in 2010. Her husband was kidnapped in Lahore on Aug. 26, 2011. His whereabouts remain unknown.
Update: Shahbaz Taseer was safely recovered after an intelligence-led raid in Kulchuk, Balochistan, on March 8, 2016. He was reunited with his wife and family the following afternoon in Lahore.
96 comments
Maheen, you are a brave wife of great Shehbaz Taseer. Allah Pak bless you and your husband. Aameen
This is so heart-breaking, i really hope he comes back to you.
Maheen Taseer Sahiba, Allah is most merciful, He will soon bring ur husband back. no need to worry. trust in Him..i really admire your courage and patience..my prayers are with you sister
I always pray for his safe return. I still remember the day when he was kidnapped, I was preparing for my departure to UK for PhD. These two events (his kidnapping and my study) are stored in my mind. Every time when I recall when I started my study I also recall Shahbaz’s kidnapping. It hurts me a lot that two years have passed and nothing has been done to recover him. I just pray he gets back before I am back to Pakistan.
my heart goes out to you. so sorry for your loss.
Shahbaz was sent to me as an internee by his father, so that he can learn the traits of life and business, after he left i told Salman sb he does not need any learning he is smart and he is intelligent and above all he got a steady head on his shoulders, he will come back InshAllah, you might not know me Maheen, but please read Alam Nashra the Surah, he is just round the corner, Allah keep him safe.
I often wonder how after going through such trauma, people not only keep themselves together, but also think about others well being. You are a brave lady Ms. Taseer and i strongly wish that you two will be together again.
Salute to your courge. I hope he will be back soon.
Maheen Stay Strong.. GOD Surely Will Listen To Every Single Person Praying For Shahbaz.. GOD Bless u.. May GOD Bring Him Back Soon.. Stay Strong nd Stay Blessed.. 🙂
Maheen Aapa, stay strong
Yeh wakai main zulm ki inteha hay
Stay strong mahreen….may Allah be with you and your family ameen.
There is always a lesson in our suffering that we have to learn and move ahead in life, for we are here to learn. Keep reciting Ya Jamiu ( The gatherer) 1100 times for 7 days. I sincerely hope he comes back.
On another note you should again start a media campaign, don’t let this issue die out. Use every media channel, news paper, radio and online portal to look for Shahbaz. Also rallies might help to put pressure on the government to look for him.
Stay blessed!
Love and regards,
Amina
I can only imagine what you’re going through. May your husband come back to you safe . My prayers and the prayers of the entire nation are with you-stay strong
My prayers are with you always
I am so sad that being so young u have to go thru this horrible trauma and I can relate with u .when I was 45 my husband went into exile for we feared for his life.he was away for 11 years and u can understand what I and my children went thru.each day was hell for all of us.we forgot to laugh but I never stopped praying to the almighty to give us strength.we went thru depression we went thru divorces etc but we prayed for he was an innocent victim.i pray to god that he may return soon to u and ur family amen and may ü be strong.amen.
Really really a painful feeling. Not only for u but for all those wifes,mothers and children who r suffering from this type of traumas. May ALLAH give u strength and reward of ur suffering .Aameen
I can never know how you feel right now but thinking about it sends jitters down the spine. You are certainly very strong, living in a state of limbo. As a trid person and a Pakistani, I beleive that one day he will return for sure, even stronger than before, no doubt Allah is with those who are patient. May The Almighty end your suffering and bring back Shahbaz Safe and sound. Amen.
may Allah have mercy on you and your family and make you stronger so you may survive this amin! may Allah help all the wives and children across pakistan waiting for their loved ones to come home amin!
Thinking and praying for you. Stay strong. Please stay strong
All I have to say after reading this heart touching article is that those who kidnapped a man in the name of Prophet Mohammad(sa) will have no excuse when he (sa) would ask why his ummati and family were put in such agony without any cause and just reason.
Thanks for sharing with us, Maheen. Praying for his prompt and safe return insha Allah.
Lots of prayers for you Maheen, Loneliness of any kind is really difficult to endure but then one is inescapable to its every day living reality and context. My own experiences have informed that trusting and hoping in God will never disappoint. I pray for God’s strength for you and family.
Keep the faith. I know what all you have and are going through. You are a very very brave young woman.
I wrote this news as a jounalist and researched your wedding saw the pictures both looked wonderful together. Fun fa ya kun ………..
Our prayers are with all of you! May he return soon.
you are a brave lady, Insha allah he will join you soon
There is no person in this world who can understand or feel your pain and what you’re going through. Loosing someone forever brings a closure that the mind can eventually accept. But knowing that one of the most precious things in your life is taken forcefully, an abduction is not the easiest to handle. Yes you are brave. But it is okay to just put your head down on your loved ones lap and cry to your heart content. And I’m sure everytime you break you pick up the pieces and pull yourself together. I don’t know you at all. Allah tests us all in different ways. We all have our share of troubles and worries. Just hold on to your faith, and beg him for his mercy, he doesn’t let us go empty handled. Your life should teach all how important it is to cherish the ones we love. May Allah walk beside you and bring back your husband and your children their father. God bless. My duas are with you and your family.
Speechless but still positive for people like Shabaz!!! Am sure Allah has a supreme plan for the better ones in this world! Glad you still maintain your faith! I would too if I were you!
Pain, pain and real pain in each word , sentence and phrase. May God be merciful to you and your family
Maheen all my sincere prayers to Allah for your life to be returned to you with sound mind and body..inshallah..inshallah..Allah only puts one through not beyond their threshold…its your love for one another keeping you both connected in a higher plain….Allah is all MERCIFUL!!
I have no words to offer you. Just hang on and believe in God, only this will give you the strength to cope! We are all praying for you and for your family.
You are a brave woman. Have faith in Allah, and pray for the best to happen for the both of you. May Allah reward you for your sabar. Allah doesnt put pressure on a soul more than it can bear. Hope he returns back home to you safe and sound very soon insha Allah and aameen.
You deserve him back and you ll get him insh aa Allah..
Ye din bhee guzar jain gy ,ik rushan subha jald ho gy … In sha Allah !
Our prayers with you ,,
May Allah SWT bring him back in your life safely and give u the reward of patience… May the coming of your life fill with happiness… takecare Maheen…
Brave,gal,loyal loving wife:) inshallah allah will unit u ppl soon ameen!
Im so touched by your article! I will always remember you both in my duas. Much love
May God grant you patience to bear this unfortunate occurrence. You will succeed and you will get your husband back Inshallah. I am sure he is as brave as his father. Regards from Deutschland.
May God help us all, May God keep him save and he will home soon, have faith…
I really wish this ordeal for u gets over soon and i can only hope and pray that this lawlessness and anarchy in the country ends
Wohi rastaay, wohi manzilain, wohi marhalay, wohi zindagi.. Magar apnay apnay makaam per kabhi hum nahi, kabhi tum nahi!
Keep strong and find refuge in the Almighty. He tests his chosen ones and rewards the steadfast and the patient. It reminds me of my school’s moto: perseverance commands success! May God have mercy on you and unite you with Shahbaz. Amen.
stay strong, i went to school with shahbaz in aitchison we all were good friends.. it hurts me to see all of this, as kids we would have never thought or imagined anything like this.. just stay strong ..my prayers are with you both.
There have been so many times when we think of Shahbaz; when his father is mentioned, when the coldblooded murder of his father is mentioned, when there is talk of injustice in Pakistan. Every time the mind wonders; ‘how long has it been? maybe the family has heard something? may be it is known that he is well? may be he will be returning soon’ … And every time the heart sends out a solemn prayer; ‘May he return soon, May he be safe and sound, May God be with him’.
There is nothing that we can say that can ease the trial that the Taseer family is going through. Nothing that will help you through the silence of the night but we offer our prayers.. Stay strong – its not a choice its the only thing that can be done. Stay strong for when he will return. Lots of prayers and love!
All prayers for his safe return soon!
We went through something very smiliar, i know how it is when life is literally in a “pause” mode, Have faith in Allah, miracles happen and they happen every second. He will be back safe and sound In-sha-Allah.
I am so sorry for what you and Shahbaz has been going through. It is so unfortunate that we are so helpless. But I am confident that Shahbaz will come home even stronger and wiser then before. Wish you both the best of life.
You are brave wife. May Allah make you stronger and your husband returns.
May God be with you and him. . Every step of the way. Prayers !
Very nicely wrote but its just a pity that actions speak louder than words…….this is the cost most people paying in Pakistan. this is unfortunate incident and I had a profound respect for the lady hope, pray and & wish that wherever he is Allah Pak bless him & give strength to the lady.
Bravo! we hope in allah he will be with you inshallah
This is so heart-breaking, My Duas are with you Maheen.He will be back safe and sound In-sha-Allah. Wish I could give you a real hug….
Maheen, i recall you as a conventarian and somehow feel connected to you. Its very sad to know that Shabaz is still not back. Stay Strong and believe in Allah , we all hope and pray for the safe return of your husband.
This incident does throw light on how helpless we Pakistani’s are. If people from such families like Taseer Family cannot recover their child in two years than there is absolutely NO HOPE for an ordinary Pakistani.
May Allah bless all the Families living in Pakistan!!
You are certainly very strong, I believe that one day he will return, stay strong – Allah is with those who have patience. Surly he will get back to you In sha Allah. You are really a brave girl like Shahbaz Taseer. Our prayers with all of you!
You are one brave woman..i pray that Allah Almighty bring him back to you soon with health and safety. Ameen
This is indeed heart breaking. Keep Faith and Believe in Allah. He will come back to you one day IA.
As upsetting as it is , its the sheer reality of our state. Everyday we live with fear but actually being in this situation is just heart breaking. I truly admire your strength , God too shall recognize it and your husband will return. Stay strong , you’re a role model to many.
Shame on Nawaz/Shabaz/Zardari/Kiyani/Iftikhar that they preside over such a lawless state where families like that of the great Salman Taseer have to endure horrors and loss like murder and abduction. May Allah punish the perpetrators of such crimes and curse them to eternal suffering
and give families like this patience!
Mam maheen u r truly a very brave lady. i hope u hear something regarding his abduction from someone which can ease ur pain. we all pray for u and ur family. this is an unfortunate event which shouldn’t be faced by anyone in their life’s. we know we can’t share ur burden by saying few words but are prayers are with u. hope u face these obstacles with bravery and ALLAH give u more courage.
so heart touching,,I wish and pray for the safety of your husband.God bless him and you
I hope he comes back to you the way you saw him last time. You have all the prayers.
MASHAALLAH u r a brave girl..the trials n the rewards are from Allah..Allah keep u both safe n INSHAALLAH he l be back soon alive n stronger..aameen…as u r a psychologist u help people easing their sufferings..Allah surely will help n ease Ur suffering.. Allah bless u both..keep Ur faith of his returning strong..keep Ur faith in Allah strong.. remember worries end where faith begins…
l
alway pray for you inshallahu he wit return
May Allah help Shahbaz and bring him back safely, He is Merciful pray He ends your ordeal soon. Stay strong and have faith. God bless you and your husband
Maheen, be strong and firm. Show full of courage like Salman Taseer (R.I.P) and Shahbaz.
Stay strong, Maheen. Prayers!
Maheen i hope he comes back safe and i hope whatever the news reports say isnt true… i hope nothing changes in him and he be as strong as he was before… Ameen
Our prayers r with u.. be strong he will come back soon inshaALLAH.. Stay BLESSED
i know my words will not be enough to sympathizes you,but all i say is,i salute you on your braveness and your courage.
I don’t know the pain you are going through, but i liked your [father-in-law] because he was strong man he always speak truth.Which most of our politicians don’t dare to
You are such an inspiration. I know we go about our lives everyday and hardly think of your husband and other such victims. I just pray that Allah showers His mercy on you and all of us. I may not have agreed with everything about the late governor but there was NO justification for what happened. Please keep faith and convey all of our wishes and heart felt thoughts to your family as well. InshaAllah Shahbaz will be back very soon. Lots of love and prayers for you.
May God return your husband and all those worldwide who have been seperated from their loved ones by persons with malafide intent.
All prayers are for the safe return of ST( Junior) and bundle of hope,faith and trust for maheen in the eve of grieve/pain and Taseer family.
We have never seen a person like Taseer in Pakistan. May God bless Taseer family and rest in peace the soul of Shaheed Salmaan Taseer in the name of Jesus Christ.
“Where there is great love, there are always miracles…”
I came across this quote a while ago and the two people that had instantly crossed my mind were you and your husband, Shahbaz. Its amazing how people who do not know each other, sit miles away, from different spheres of life, can still feel attuned to someone’s hurt due to empathy. Believe me, during the course of the day, whenever I think of what you’re suffering, I can’t begin to fathom even one-tenth of the pain that you go through. To have a loved one taken away from you abruptly, to not be able to see them everyday, to have them confined to only a memory is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone and you have all of my truest respect and ardent admiration for being so strong through all of this. I also know that we would never be able to comprehend the distress that you endure, that all we can do is try to alleviate your agony with soothing and kind words, and that it could never be equated with the heartache that you feel with every breath that you take. But love conquers all and it WILL, real soon. These are not just words that I type but syllables made up of collective prayers uttered by everyone who cares for you and are backed by undeterred hope and faith that will manifest itself in the form of the return of your beloved husband. I pray that Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful answers your appeals- those spoken and even the silent echos of your heart that resonate through your soul with each passing moment…
I pray with all my heart for the safe recovery of your husband! May Allah keep him safe!
I pray he come back to you just as he left and I pray for all those who are suffering from such situation. God give you the courage to stay strong.
My sincerest prayers are with you. May he return soon. May your wait not go wasted. Hang in there!
much love !
Stay strong Maheen! IA he will come back alive
My prayers are with you. I hope, he returns to you soon and this suffering ends very soon. Hang in there and never loose the hope.
this is not only one incident but it starts when father of nation were killed psychology, his personal doctor COLONAL[ R] ILLAHI BUXwere found dead in rawalpindi hotel. actualy seperation were came existance wrong, ALL will help him
Dear Maheen, I can very well imagine the trauma u r going through. My cousion Haider Gilani has been missing for 4 months now. May Allah bring both of them back safe. Ameen
Indeed you and your family is going through trauma. I don’t know why I can’t just forget the day shahbaz was abducted and can’t understand my feeling of immense happiness the day media reported that he is back. I have never met shehbaz but why I always ask about him from my relatives and friends who are in government services about his whereabouts and his status. Inshallah I strongly believe that one day your husband will return. Stay brave and hopeful my courageous sister.
Ya ALLAH, this is so touching, brought tears :(..
i know what are you goin through, i often write to u on twitter since Shahbaz left,
and i pray every night for his health, safety and ur unity again……
MAheen ur such an inspiration i dont have words to tell you how much i have learned from you…… im a clinical psychologist as well and ur the biggest inspiration in everyway.. a psychologist, a girl, a wife and a patient, sabit qadam and shukkar guzaar muslim
i wish someday when im married i become a wife just like you :*
This is so heartbreaking ;-( I pray for Shabaz’s safety, where ever he may be, and that he returns home as soon as possible. God bless both Maheen’s and Shahbaz’s families.
Maheen, my love and prayers are always with you and Shahbaz. You are so strong, so amazing. “As ye have faith, so shall your powers and blessings be…”
Our prayers are with you. May Shahbaz return to you soon, aameeen!
Assalamo alaykum Sister Maheen,
I have just read your article. It brought tears to my eyes (and I don’t cry easily). It’s a beutifully written article. The article speaks volumes about you and your charecter. There is no hint of bitterness, hatred or animosity towards those who have wronged you. Yet it speaks volumes about your hope, courage, fortitude, faith and much much more. You will probably never read this messege, but I hope and pray that Shabaz is returned safely to you in not too distant future. Ameen
InshAllah he will come…
Bleessezz*
We are all still waiting for his return…
What a brilliant, heartfelt piece. Stay strong and give loads of sadaqa on behalf of your husband. Insh Allah, will come back safely. Pay homage and chaddar at the Shrine of Imam Hussain at Karbala. Will surely come back then. Believe me, it works….
Praying for him to come home safely to you and the rest of his family soon, Maheen. He is always in our prayers.
Great Piece. You’re are a brave lady and I wish and pray that your prayers are answered and your husband returns to you safe and sound.
Our prayers r with u Maheen baji.Shahbaz will come back home.INSHALLAH.
Go iran imam raza a.s pray for her husband I believe shabaz bhai come home please it’s request mahman
There are thousands of women waiting for husbands captured and vanished by security forces and police. Why you stupid don’t write about them. Because they are not desi libera
Brave.dignified.respect.